


You're Worse than Nicotine

by killuazoldycks



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Sex, Awkward Boners, Fantasizing, M/M, Masturbation, Rimming, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-20 22:40:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3667869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killuazoldycks/pseuds/killuazoldycks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dumb AU where the Aoba Josai and Nekoma kids go to Karasuno.<br/>Kuroo is head over heels for Kenma but is in the closet.<br/>(scrapped sorry dudes)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which Kuroo pretends he's straight

"Kuroo-san!" I heard Yamamoto yell while running towards me, "I found a page online with loads of pictures of super cute girls!"

  
"That's great, Yamamoto," I said, exhaling through my nose. What he, or anyone, doesn't know is that I'm really really gay, but in the closet. My name is Kuroo Tetsuro, I go to Karasuno High School and I want someone to suck my dick. Yamamoto punched in the passcode to his phone and opened the Safari app. He put the URL into the address bar and tried to make it go, but because the 3G connection at school sucks ass, he couldn't.

  
"Stupid piece of shit!" He yelled at the screen, slamming his foot down on the concrete path.

  
"Send me it over text or something," I suggested, I wasn't even gonna go on it anyway but my secret had to be kept inside. I started to walk away from the school building, back home. What sucks really bad is that the kid who I have a huge obession with, Kenma Kozume, is already out and I think he's dating that Hinata jackass, or whatever he's called. Even thinking about him turns me on, god.  
When I got home, I got on his Instagram page and scrolled through the endless amount of selfies, video game references and stupid Tumblr text posts. Just seeing one of his adorable selfies gave me an erection that took a pretty long while to get to fuck off. I do this most days of the week when I get home from school. I have a folder on my PC (with 3 passwords to the folder don't worry) called "Kenma Kozume porn lookalikes" which I use to jack off every night. I hear that Oikawa Tooru asshole is having a house party this weekend and Kenma is going, so I need to work super hard to get invited. I got onto Oikawa's Instagram and sent him a DM that roughly said "hey asshole can i come to your party this weekend my crush is going and i have to make a move soon." I expected him not to reply for like 2 weeks because he's a cool kid and that's what the cool kids do but he replied after a mere 10 minutes and said "Yeah sure bro you can come." Huh, I guess he's not so bad after all. But the use of the word "bro" got on my nerves big time. I cannot believe I might be able to get Kenma drunk and make out with him and/or go a bit further, if you know what I mean.

  
The next day, I had math class with Kenma. I sit in the row behind him so I got to check out his ass, which gave me a slightly awkward math class boner. I barely paid attention during that class and thought of stupid sexual fantasies with that adorable gay kid. However, at the end of that class when we were all going out of the classroom to go to our next class, I saw that tiny Hinata kid waiting outside our math room, so I gave him a dirty look that basically translated into "leave Kenma alone he's mine, you tiny asshole." Kenma went to the same Junior High and Elementary school as me, but we never really spoke so we've been acquaintances for most of our lives. I didn't see Yamamoto in school today, so I bet he's "sick" (jacking off over that website he told me about yesterday.) The rest of the day I didn't have any other classes with Kenma, so it was pretty boring. I got straight on my computer when I got home and opened the Kenma porn lookalikes folder and chose a video titled "BLONDE TWINK SUCKS DICK AND TAKES IT UP THE ASS," one of my personal favourites, not gonna lie. Throughout the 35 minute video I came about 6 times, leaving a super sticky mess on the underside of my desk. Damn, it felt really good to jack off after a couple of days of being clean.

  
I had a really really fucking dumb idea after that. It was to send Kenma a DM on Instagram asking for his Snapchat. Because I'm a fucking IDIOT, I sent it and believe it or not, he actually gave it to me. kenmakozume64 was his username, probably a reference to the Nintendo 64. I have to admit, I was a little bit scared sending the first message because this kid knows his shit with computers and could probably hack me and leak my personal info online if I made him angry. I sent him a selfie that I tried to look good in, and I think I kinda did, saying "yo what's up." I was trying to play it cool and not show that I had a GIANT crush on him. He responded with pictures of him without a shirt on. I nearly came solely from that. I thought I was dreaming because this is PERFECT. We continued to have a conversation for a while, which meant he kept supplying me with topless pics that made me as hard as a rock.

  
At school, we had math class again and Kenma kept turning around to talk to me which was fucking AMAZING. After math it was lunch and I offered Kenma to sit with me and the squad (Yamamoto, Inouka, Daichi, Suga, Noya, Tanaka and Iwaizumi) and he sat right next to me and ate his lunch and to make it even better, he kept scooting up next to me. Is this kid trying to get me to love him more? I hope so. It's only like 2 days until Oikawa's party so I have to get to know Kenma even better in that short period of time. So we kept snapchatting eachother until the day of the party. What I've found out about him in this short period of time is: his birthday, what his favourite video game is, how many games he's finished (there was a LOT), when he found out he was gay and that he's single. That last one lifted a giant weight off my chest because I thought he was dating Hinata. A couple of hours later I had another super fucking dumb idea. I, Kuroo Tetsuro, the master of stupid ideas, told Kenma Kozume that I was gay and in the closet. Again, it was a huge weight that got lifted off my chest. He was slightly surprised but was happy that he could have another gay friend. Hopefully this means I'm only a few steps away from getting into his pants.


	2. Oikawa's dumb ass party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gay shit happens at Oikawa's party, nice.

Today at school, the only thing anyone wanted to talk about was Oikawa's party. It was everywhere, in the halls, in class and I even overheard some teachers talking about it. But I think I was the most excited one out of anyone else. Sure, the chances of getting Kenma drunk and making out with him were pretty slim but still, it could happen. At lunch I sat with Kenma, but nobody else. I guess they must've been bunking because I didn't see them anywhere. I did get a pretty long text from Daichi yesterday but I didn't read it because I was talking to Kenma. As I was munching on a slice of pizza (it was disgusting, like all school food), Kenma whispered in my ear.

"Hey Kuroo," he said quietly, putting whatever he was playing on at that time down "who's your guy crush?"

'God fucking dammit' I thought.

"Uh, I don't know, nobody I guess?" I replied in a pretty shaky voice.

"Sure you don't!" Kenma laughed. I was so in love at that moment I almost put my hands on his adorable little face and pulled him into a deep kiss.

"Seriously," I said in a stern voice, playfully hitting him on the shoulder. I was so nearly found out there it was fucking unbelieveable. Honestly I just want to put my hands on his (super fine) ass and kiss him until the world ends. He's that perfect.

When I got home I read the super long text Daichi sent me (it took me like 10 minutes to read it all it was that long) and it basically detailed how the whole squad was going to some stupid video game thing. Kenma would enjoy that actually, even though I'm not that into video games. I kinda felt like I missed out though, oh well. I jerked it to the same video as a couple of days ago and it felt so much better after getting to know Kenma a bit better. It felt as I was the person fucking the Kenma-lookalike so violently in the asshole. That could be me in a while actually, if I get lucky at Oikawa's party. In English, I was super bored because we were watching some documentary on Shakespeare that made pretty much EVERYONE in the class nearly fall asleep, it was that boring so I made a sort of plan thing about how I can get Kenma to do me.

Step 1: Both get drunk off our shit.

Step 2: Bring him into one of the bedrooms and lock the door.

Step 3: He's super drunk so that means there's a higher chance of him having GREAT sex with me.

Step 4: Have one of the best orgasms in my life.

Hopefully this shitty ass plan will work. I really want this to be a starting point in my first homosexual relationship. I guess people at the party will be expecting me to have sex with some hopeless skank because before I realised I was super duper gay I was a bit of a man whore. So tonight was the night of the big party and it went REALLY well. I had to get a ride from Suga because Oikawa's house is pretty far away from where we live. Speaking of Oikawa's house, it's HUGE. Like a fucking mansion or something. The car ride was really uncomfortable because I had to squeeze in the back with Nishinoya, Daichi and Tanaka. Noya looked like he was being crushed because he was the smallest one there. That was pretty funny I guess. But Tanaka really fucking pissed me off.  

"Hey Kuroo, why do you always hang out with that Kenma kid, he seems like a bit of a faggot," Tanaka asked me. That made me almost fucking die of anger.  

"Yeah, I agree with Tanaka, Kenma is a fag," Noya said "didn't you see how he was scooting up next to you when he sat with us the other day, he totally wants your dick." I really hoped that last part is true but, I cannot believe that those assholes would say that about him. It's so fucking disrespectful! Daichi and Suga told them off for saying that, though, which made me feel a lot better.

When we got to the party, the house was so full it took like 10 minutes to get a drink. Oikawa was sitting on his GIANT couch, surrounded by drunk girls, he was definitely getting laid tonight. There was a group of kids dealing with Hinata throwing up after drinking too much. I think I saw Daichi with them, being a mom like usual. In the middle of where a bunch of people were drunk and dancing, I saw him, Kenma-fucking-Kozume. He was wearing these jeans that made his ass literally perfect. And that ass was grinding up against Asahi Azumane. I could tell Asahi was super embarrassed because he gets embarrassed SO easily. I heard a few whispers of "faggot" and "what a queer" which again, made me want to punch the people that said that in the face. Kenma must of been pretty drunk to be doing that, Asahi probably was too. I wanted to go in there and grab Kenma's hand and pull him out there but something was stopping me. I decided to wait and get another drink.  

"Yo, Kuroo," Iwaizumi said to me while I was opening a bottle of Heineken. He had some random girl I've seen like twice before groping at his pecs. I wouldn't mind to grab at them too, actually.  

"Hey, dude, who's the girl?" I asked, sitting on the table with hundreds of bottles of alcohol on it. 

"I don't even know, man," He laughed "I didn't know you were coming." I excused myself when the girl started to feel up Iwaizumi's bulge. Again, another person who was getting laid tonight. In fact, I saw them a while later in the party having a gross drunk makeout session. I decided to go and check on Kenma again, to see if he was still grinding on Asahi to the tune of some horrible rap song that's popular in the charts. When I walked into the room where he was before, I saw him getting surrounded by some assholes who were yelling homophobic insults at him and pushing him. One of them even went as far to hit him in the face.  

"Hey fuckboys, leave him alone," I growled, walking up to them and rolling my sleeves up.  

"What are you gonna do, hit me? Because your boyfriend is sad? Get out of here, you fucking fag," The biggest one sniggered, getting up in my face. That did it. I went up to the biggest asshole and hit him in the eye so hard he was knocked out and had a black eye after a few minutes. God, I didn't know I could hit that hard. All of the big guy's posse left the party quickly after that. I grabbed Kenma's hand and led him out of there, into the hallway, where there was at least 6 people making out with each other. Gross.  

"Kuroo," Kenma said, the alcohol making his speech slurred "thank you so much for that."  

"No problem, princess," I replied with a cheesy ass smirk.

"Don't tease me you big asshole," He giggled. We went upstairs and I pushed the doors of each room to see if any of the rooms were free. I accidentally went into the room where we both witnessed the horrible sight of Oikawa Tooru getting a gross blowjob from a drunk girl. We finally found a vacant room after seeing more than we needed to in the other rooms. Kenma laid down on the double bed.

"Kuroo," Kenma muttered "you're so nice, I wish I had a boyfriend as nice as you." I blushed deep red and sat down next to him. He was doing a stupid little drunk smile that made me giggle at him.  

"You look so silly, Kenma," I chuckled, getting up to lock the door.  

"You what, mate?" He giggled, his adorable laughing getting louder after time "sorry, I always hear people saying that on Counter-Strike and it sounds stupid and British." I laid down next to him and tangled my fingers in his.

"Kuroo?" He said, turning on his side to face me. I pulled him so he was right next to my face.  

"Oh Kuroo," He said in a seductive tone. He put me on my back and sat on my stomach. I was getting so hard over this.  

"I can feel your boner rubbing against my butt, Kuroo," He giggled, putting his face on mine. I plunged my tongue into his mouth and grabbed his ass. He let his tongue wrestle with mine. I bit his upper lip and he made an adorable squeaking noise. We exchanged saliva for about 10 minutes. A few people tried getting into our room, good thing I locked the door. After a while of french-kissing. He pulled away from the kiss and unbuttoned my jeans.  

"Woah, are you sure you wanna do this?" I asked, hoping he'd say yes.

"Don't worry, I'm only gonna suck it," He smirked, pulling my jeans down. He began to rub my throbbing boner through my striped boxers. My boxers went down with a quick pull and my 6.5 inch boner sprung out of them. Kenma gasped at the size of it.

"It's not that big!" I insisted.

"But Kurooooo," He whined, stroking the tip "I've never had a cock this big before!" He began to jerk my dick at a pretty fast speed. After a few minutes of jerking it, I came on his face.  

"This was only a warm up," He said, putting it in his mouth and beginning to bob up and down on it. I've only gotten one blowjob before, and it was from a girl, but this felt so much better. Kenma perfectly found the sweet spot and began to lick at it. I covered my mouth to stop myself from moaning his name. He began to massage the area he wasn't sucking at that made it feel about five times better. I shot my load into his mouth and moaned his name into a pillow.  

"How are you so good at that?" I asked, breathing heavily from my amazing orgasm.  

"I don't know, I guess I'm just a natural," He replied, swallowing my translucent semen. I pulled my jeans back up and grabbed his waist.

"Kenma Kozume," I whispered into his ear "will you be my first boyfriend?" It felt like I was proposing to him after eight years of being together.  

"Kuroo Tetsuro," He said "I will." I felt like I could scream, I was so happy. He kissed me on the neck and put his hands on mine.

"Let's tell everyone we know," He suggested, nuzzling his face into my neck.

"Nah, I'm too scared to come out," I sighed, holding his head and kissing him on the forehead. We fell asleep at 1:17am and woke up when we heard someone banging on the door.  

"WHOEVER'S IN THERE! PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!" We heard Oikawa yell, banging on the door. It was only around 3am so why was he so desperate to get in?

"Uh, hey," I said awkwardly, unlocking the door.

"Dude, what the hell?" He snapped at me "people have been looking for you and Kenma for like an hour!" 

"Um, Kenma kinda freaked out after those guys called him a fag and pushed him and shit," I thought up quickly, goodness gracious, I was nearly caught there.  

"WHAT?" Oikawa gasped "you're gay with him?"  

"Yep!" I said in a sarcastic tone "he's my new boyfriend, actually, so get the news out! This is the CNN Breaking News! Kuroo Tetsuro is a homosexual!" I am such a fucking loser. I walked back over to Kenma and pulled him out of bed. We walked past Oikawa, who had his jaw dropped so far it nearly touched the floor. Most of the people from the party had cleared out so there was only about 20 people left. Suga and Daichi were downstairs, waiting for me.  

"Kuroo!" Suga yelled "there you are! We have to get going like now!" I sighed and followed him to his 1998 Ford his parents bought him.  

"Hey, Suga," I said, tapping on his shoulder "can Kenma come in the car with us? He needs a ride."

"Sure, whatever," Suga sighed, opening the driver side door. Daichi sat in the front seat and Kenma and me sat in the back. We secretly held hands most of the way back. When I got home, I crashed out on my bed and instantly fell asleep. I remember having a dream where me and Kenma were in the world of The Walking Dead (probably my favourite TV show, actually) and we were the cool and super gay zombie killers. I'm a dork.

 


	3. Not a troll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo and Kenma hang out at Kenma's house.

The day after the party, when I woke up, I was pretty fucking hungover. I didn't even drink that much, why was I that hungover? Kenma sent me a message on Snapchat that said "good morning babe im so hungover i cant see properly" and I felt my heart sink a little. I messaged him and said "where do you live i can bring gatorade." He replied with his address (probably shouldn't say it) and I was ecstatic because where he lives is only like a 3 minute walk away from my house. I got myself up, got $10 from my little brother's wallet (sorry bro) and walked out of the house. I stopped by the convenience store near my house and got a six pack of Gatorade for Kenma, and my, hangover.  |I've seen Kenma's house before, and it's kinda big, but not as big as Oikawa's huge ass mansion. Kenma answered the door when I rung the bell and I gave him a really gay, warm hug.  

"Good morning, sunshine," I said into his ear.  

"Ugh, come in," He murmured, walking into his house. I followed him up to his room, maybe or maybe not staring at his ass on the way up the stairs. His room had a bunch of video game posters and merchandise in it. He laid on his bed and groaned pretty loud.  

"Give me one of those," He whined, pointing at the six pack of Orange flavoured Gatorade. I pulled one out of the casing and threw it at him.  

"Thanks, babe," He said quietly, taking a few large gulps of his drink. I sat down next to him on his bed.  

"Hey, did you know I had a huge crush on you before last night," I chuckled "I even have a folder on my computer called "Kenma Kozume porn lookalikes", I was that obsessed. Guess I don't need it anymore." He began to laugh hysterically at my giant crush.

"Dude, you're a nerd," He giggled, sitting up on his bed "I didn't really have that much of a crush on you, but seeing how you're a super nice dude and also really hot, I'm happy to have you as my boyfriend." He finished his drink and threw it into his trash can across the room. God damn he was a good shot.  

"We should go out somewhere today," He suggested "go out and see a movie or something."

"I'm down with that," I said, snuggling up next to him. His bed was REALLY comfy. He did this adorable thing with his eyes that made me want to kiss him and sleep with him under the stars and suck his d-, Kuroo Tetsuro, stop that. His phone buzzed in his pocket.  

"God fucking dammit," He sighed, reading something on the screen "it's my stupid fucking ex who wants to get back with me." He threw his phone across the room, onto the aubergine carpet, and looked me in the eye.  

"How was your night after the party, baby," He said, pecking my cheek.  

"I slept as soon as I got home," I answered "I had a dream that me and you were in The Walking Dead. We had sex like three times, it was pretty hot." He giggled and playfully slapped me on the arm.  

"Kuroo!" He laughed "your dreams are gross."

"I'm sorry, I'm a horny seventeen year old, what do you expect?" I chuckled.

"What movie should we go and see, big daddy," He asked, still laughing at the last part.

"Don't call me that!" I grinned "and I don't know, what do you want to see, princess."

"Big Hero 6 looks pretty good," He replied "even though we could probably get it for free online."

"But that's no fun!" I whined "whatever, go download it or whatever nerd shit you do." He opened up some website with loads of free stuff on it and downloaded the movie in a "torrenting" program. Computers, man. While it was downloading, or "leeching" as Kenma said the technical term was, he ordered me to go and get snacks from the convenience store down the road. He handed me a $20 bill and sent me on my way.  

I got like 5 bags of Doritos and popcorn and a bunch of junk food. I even got him one of those corny ass heart shaped chocolate boxes, because I'm a cliché boyfriend. I spotted Oikawa walking down the street with one of his many brain dead girlfriends. Good thing he didn't see me. When I got back, he already had it downloaded and transferred onto the big TV in his lounge room.  

"I'm home, princess," I said as I walked into the room. I threw the plastic bag with all the food in it on his lap and sat next to him. He pressed play on the remote and the (illegal) movie started to play. We cuddled throughout the whole of the movie and, quite embarrassingly, I cried at the end. He kept teasing me about that afterwards.  

"Hey Kuroo, wanna watch another one or do you wanna make out," He asked, hopping up on my lap and turning around to face me.  

"Why not both?" I giggled, kissing him on the lips quickly "but I get to pick this time."

"Fine, what do you want to watch," He sighed and rolled his eyes in an over exaggerated way. It was adorable.  

"Let's watch something super nerdy, like Captain America or Guardians of the Galaxy," I suggested.

"Dude, GotG is so fucking good," He beamed, jumping off my lap to go and download it. He is probably the most perfect person I've ever met. He's SUPER cute, smart, funny and he has A+ blowjob skills. He came back a minute later and got the second movie up on the TV and sat on my lap again. He pressed play and we watched for the first fifteen minutes in silence. Around the twenty minute mark, he turned around and put his lips on mine. It was pretty unexpected, but I wasn't complaining. He let his tongue slip past my lips and I did the same. I felt his boner dig into my stomach, and that made me even more turned on. We turned the battle of our tongues into a battle of who could bite the other person's lip the most. Admittedly, he won, but that didn't mean I was done. I began to suck gently on his neck, progressively getting rougher. After a while of doing this, I bit gently on a patch of skin on his neck, making him moan my name in the process. He had a pretty big hickey after that.  

"Kuroo, from the two times we've made out, I can confirm you're the best kisser I've ever had the blessing to kiss," He beamed, holding his hands around my neck. I forgot what happened in the movie after we started to make out. I think Starlord was going to prison with the racoon, the tree guy that's voiced by Vin Diesel and the green chick. Both of us didn't really care about the movie at this point. So we just turned it off.

"We should actually go out on a date soon, babe," I told him, pulling him closer towards me "let's go out to dinner or go and like, watch the stars or something tonight."  

"Ooh! Let's watch the stars!" He beamed, his voice like an excited child. I could go on for hours about how I love him, not kidding.

"It's gonna be a few hours until the stars come out, so let's do something to pass the time," I told him.  

"Do you play any video games, because I have LOADS in my room," He smiled, grabbing my hand and leading me to his room.

"Uh, sometimes?" I shrugged.  

"I hope you play Call of Duty, because you're gonna get fucking DESTROYED, babe," He taunted, turning his Xbox on and throwing me a controller. He loaded up the Nuketown map on Black Ops and let me create a class. I play CoD sometimes, so I was hoping I could get at least a few kills on him. He started the game and yep, he was right. He completely annihilated me, having 57 kills and 4 deaths by the time the ten minute game finished. Jesus Christ above, he is GOOD.  

"No more, Kenma," I huffed, putting the controller down "you completely wrecked me." He giggled at me.

"What, are you a sore loser?" he teased "I'm kidding, I was going easy on you." He went on the online multiplayer menu and got into a Team Deathmatch game.  

"Let's be on the same team, so I don't have to humiliate you again," He chuckled. I kissed him on area I gave him a hickey.

"Kenma, you're one hell of a boyfriend," I blushed, picking up the controller. He put his controller down and plugged his mic in.  

"AFK for a bit, getting my ass eaten by my boyfriend," He said into the mic, winking at me. God damn. I put down the controller.  

"You heard me, eat my ass," He ordered me, pulling his sweatpants down and putting his legs behind his head. I wasn't complaining. I put my face next to his asshole and started to lick away at it like a lollipop. He had to cover his mouth to stop himself from moaning.  

"Nah bro it's gotta be a troll," I heard a twelve year old in the game say through the headset. I wanted to show that it wasn't. I started to lick faster, swirling it around, sticking it inside him. Sure, it didn't taste very nice but I could see he was enjoying it so very much. He began to moan my name louder and louder.

"Dude, it's not a troll, I think this kid is actually getting his ass eaten," Another kid on the mic said. I kept rimming Kenma until he came violently on his face and chest.  

"Oh my god, Kuroo," Kenma moaned, taking his cum stained hoodie off. He put the headset on again.  

"I recommend getting your ass eaten to all you twelve year olds out there," He said into the mic before leaving the game and turning the console off.  

"So, are we gonna bang?" I asked, pulling my shirt off.

"You bet we are," He smirked, climbing onto the bed. I pulled my jeans and underwear down before laying down on the bed, my boner inviting Kenma to jump on. He took up my offer and sank down onto my erection.

"Oh my fucking god, that feels so good," He moaned. I started to thrust into his butt, going slow at first but gradually speeding up, his moans getting louder the faster I went. I sat up and started to kiss his neck, still thrusting inside him. I bit down on his neck, giving him a second hickey as I came.

"Kuroo," He moaned "that was fucking amazing."

We passed the time playing more video games and making out naked until it was dark.  

"Kenma, it's dark, let's go out," I told him, standing up to turn the Xbox off. He put on a clean t-shirt and his sweatpants and I put my jeans and shirt on. He held my hand as we walked down the stairs and out the door.

"Where are we going?" I asked.  

"To a hill down the road," He said, picking up the pace and dragging me behind with him. We got up the hill and laid down next to each other. We watched the stars for a good ten minutes before he turned over and said something that changed my life.  

"Kuroo Tetsuro," He whispered "I love you." I nearly passed out, that made me so fucking happy.

"Kenma Kozume," I whispered back "I love you too." We stayed there for a few hours, talking and kissing underneath the stars until I got a text from my mom telling me to come back home or I'll be grounded. I made a promise to send Kenma some nudes. When I got home, I didn't let him down, sending him a picture of my dick with a caption saying "goodnight, i love you." 


End file.
